Words that Hurt
I’ve never liked the saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Words do hurt. And I learned the hard way just how much they can hurt.
Prior to getting married more than 29 years ago, my future husband and I had a somewhat serious discussion one night after a few drinks too many. We wanted to know what would be the worst thing we would ever say to each other. He told me that he would probably call me a “bitch” and quickly added, “not that you are!” (Little did he know then that, at times, I was a good representative of this title. Of course, I didn’t tell him this at the time. I didn’t want to tarnish his image of me before the wedding!)
When it came to my turn, I shocked this good man, a widower, with the words I said. I told him that if I were ever really, really mad at him, I’d probably say, “No wonder your first wife committed suicide!”
He didn’t believe that I would say such a horrible thing. “You’re too kind to ever say anything so hurtful,” he said. (Again, he words indicated that he wore blinders!) My husband’s pre-marriage evaluation of me wasn’t off by that much. I am rarely a bitch and mostly kind. I am, however, Irish and my temper has been known to blow.
During our first year of marriage—that time when adjusting to living with each other can be a challenge—I did, indeed, say those hurtful words about his first wife’s suicide—she had postpartum depression that went into severe psychosis—and with the words came deep pain to my husband’s face. I immediately apologized and reminded him that I had warned him of this possibility. But the damage was done. He was so very, very hurt. Luckily, I married a man who truly loves me and is quick to forgive. It took me a long time to forgive myself.
And yes! My husband has called me a “bitch”—four times in 29 years. One time he even modified this designation with the word “fat” in front of it! Speaking of Irish temper…I can only say that there was a major explosion after he used both of these words and, unlike him, I’m not quick to forgive.
My insensitive utterance about my husband’s first wife did accomplish one positive thing. From that day on, I have refrained from saying anything to anybody that is hurtful, especially to my husband. I try to be kind to everyone in words and actions. I learned the hard—and hurtful—way that I never again wanted to inflict the pain I caused my husband so many years ago.