“Liz,” I said firmly, “the next time she tries it, give it back to her. That is how you are going to grow a powerbase in this company – by demanding that people treat you with respect. You don’t have to get nasty, but you must stand firm. Use Martha as practice; she does not mean much in the larger scheme, so if you blunder, who cares? The idea to be ready to hold your own with the big fish.”

I remembered a big meeting after an early but significant promotion. I must have been 29 or 30, I looked 23, and most of my new peers were much older than I was. I called a meeting with a colleague and a consultant for a new project. The colleague, a woman twenty-five years my senior, sniped at me the whole meeting. I was very poised through the hour or so of jabs, but as soon as the meeting was over I went to her office.

“Trish, I am not comfortable with the way that you spoke to me in the meeting, especially in front of a consultant.”

Trish just about fell off of her chair. My directness hit her like a ton of bricks.

“Carrie, you are right. I am sorry and it will not happen again.”

And it did not. Trish, by the way, eventually became one of my biggest supporters. I think now that she was testing my mettle to see if I was worthy of her respect. My demand to her was proof she was looking for.