A Good Man But!
I hope to get married some day to a good man, have children, and then live happily ever after. This dream may not sound like I'm a liberated woman. I am, but I also want a life-long partner with whom to share my goals and successes. And I want children so I can introduce them to all the good things in life.
Right now I'm building a career, so marriage isn't even a consideration at this time. But that hasn't stopped me in my search for a good man. After all, I just might have to go through a dozen or more men before "Mr. Right" comes along—and this might take me some time.
Recently a really good man came into my life. Well-established financially, he is educated, nice looking, has a great personality, is generous, treats me well, and is doing beautifully in his profession. He, too, someday wants marriage and children. We have the same religion, values, and closeness with our families. Perfect! Right? Well, not quite. I'm just not physically attracted to him.
Every time I have gone out with this "great catch" I have a good, even great time. We laugh together and have good conversations. When the time comes to kiss him good night, I do, but there are no tingling feelings that spring up anywhere. He's a good kisser, but his kisses don't make me feel good—although I pretend they do, for his sake. I try to get into him, but it hasn't happened. I think, how stupid I am that I can't feel romantic with such a great person? Maybe there is something wrong with me.
A little wisdom
Finally, I talked to my mother about my situation with Mr Seemingly Right. Maybe she had a suggestion for me. I didn't want to make a mistake. Maybe, I thought, I could learn from her.
My mother shared something that she learned in her single days that has helped. She, too, had a great man in her life who had everything she was looking for. The only problem, according to her, was that he was a sloppy kisser. That was his only defect. She dated him for more than a year and tried to overlook his sloppy kisses. She never could. She eventually broke up with him, which, she admits, she should have done much earlier in the relationship. Maybe, then, she said, she wouldn't have hurt him so much. My mother said she learned the hard way that you can't convince the heart to accept the unacceptable.
This confirmed what I needed to do. I broke up with my wonderful guy and have never looked back. He will be much happier with someone who is really attracted to him. Someday I will find my "Mr. Right" and I will have no doubts about my choice. How nice it is to learn from the experience of others, especially my mom, whom I trust so much. Thanks, mom!
Comments
I think when he is right, you just know. Maybe when you meet him he won't have a gleaming aura around him and you may not hear the angels sing, confirming that he is your future husband. But you will know he is right for right then. He will be the right one to date and be with. And when you do get married, you want to be able to say on that day, without a doubt, that you are doing the right thing with the right person. You deserve no less than that.
Posted by: Jessica | October 30, 2006 04:35 PM
I've already learned this lesson. My Mr Right turned out to be someone who doesn't meet a lot of the "requirements" I had for a man. I still have really high standards and hold him to those, but I had to accept a lot of faults and shortcomings. Something that was, and still is, very difficult for me.
But I am still madly attracted to my boyfriend, and after nearly two years, I still get tingly when we kiss. So yeah, looking good on paper is nice, but you have to feel it too. Keep looking, you'll find him!
Posted by: doahleigh | October 31, 2006 02:57 PM
You have to have a little tingle, but before you get married you better be sure you're with someone you can have a conversation with. The tingle comes and goes in a long-term relationship, but you still have to wake up with the person every day and be able to talk and share you life with them.
Emily, you're spectacular and the right one with all the bells, whistles and tingle is out there looking for you. As your mom told me "Don't worry, he's coming, but maybe he's barefoot instead of wearing his running shoes."
Posted by: Bonita | October 31, 2006 05:25 PM