All I Want is...
November brings my birthday; December, Christmas. These special days are a big deal for me, but they have never been for my husband. I know this because of the “great” gifts that he has given me over the years. His presents aren’t usually anything I want or anything I’ve requested. My birthday gift is something he can find in the hardware store—well, maybe I’m exaggerating, but not by much. And for Christmas, whatever is left at the mall after 12 noon on Christmas Eve finds its way under the tree with my name on it. Luckily, I have grown children. They do a better job of making special occasions special!
Now, in defense of my husband, and he reminds me of this often, he may not be good with presents for special occasions, but he sometimes surprises me with something really nice “just because.” He does have the giving spirit in him, just not on my birthday or Christmas or our anniversary or Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day.
Soon after the birth of our third child, he brought home a small golden gift box tied with a green bow. “Since you have given me three gems, I wanted to do the same for you,” he said as he handed me the box. Inside was a gorgeous ring with three emeralds, my favorite stone. Good job, Tom, I thought as I covered him with kisses. Maybe there is hope for him after all!
But on my very next birthday, and with three children under four years of age, my special day was nothing more than just another overwhelming day. When my tears came, my husband reminded me of the emerald ring. Let’s just say that the couch had company that night!
After 29 years of marriage, I’ve learned to refrain from giving my husband suggestions for presents, even if he asks. If he doesn’t know what I want, I won’t be disappointed when I don’t get it. I am a little sad, however, when presents are either forgotten—he has done this—or I get something that he thinks I would want. (What woman wants a vacuum cleaner on her birthday or a garbage can—it was hand-painted—for Christmas?) My absolute “favorite” present was a treadmill. At the time, I was more than 300 pounds. I didn’t ask for this piece of exercise equipment, but my husband thought “it would be good for me!” Does he not have any sensitivity, or a brain, for that matter?
My birthday and Christmas will come again this year. I’ve learned to celebrate these days even without a special gift from my husband. To keep my spirits up, I now buy gifts for myself for special occasions. If my husband does come through, which is rare, I am pleased. If he doesn’t, however, I’m no longer disappointed. (But if you really want to know…my birthday is November 3rd!)
Comments
Maybe his problem isn't remember special occasions. Maybe he has a problem thinking he "should" do something on holidays, bdays, etc. Guys don't like being told what to do. So if he feels like he's being "told to get a gift," he'll naturally rebel. Bet he's got some gift issues in his past, too. Now, I'm not saying this to excuse him. I totally agree, Shame on him for forgetting, and "being spontaneous" (i.e., giving gifts only when HE wants to, at a time of HIS choosing) is nice but completely bogus as an excuse. And he should be told that he sets a terrible example for his kids and grandkids. What a selfish stinker.
Posted by: ET | October 18, 2006 02:40 PM
Oh, I disagree. I think buying gifts for yourself is a wonderful idea. My hubby was great at gifts when we were young... he could pick out the cutest clothes. But after 10 kids and 50lb plus various and assundry other things.....well, you just can't espect perfection in everything!!!
Posted by: Carol | November 1, 2006 10:50 AM