Why Did I Tell Him That?
On my 30th birthday more than 30 years ago, I got down on my knees and prayed to God to send me a good man to marry. I needed divine help since I had been doing a lousy job with my love life selections for the past few years. I continued this ritual every night and three weeks later, I met the man who would become my husband, although I didn’t consider him marriage material when I met him. (He was “too nice” and every woman knows that a too-nice man isn’t a prized commodity. More on this in a future post.)
Just before the wedding, which was held two years after our initial meeting, I told my soon-to-be-husband about what had been my nightly ritual. He, like I did, believed that God had a hand in our coupling. Everything was just the way it was meant to be.
It wasn’t until our first big fight as a married couple—over wallpaper, no less—that I first regretted telling my husband about my prayer for a good man. As the argument began to get more heated while we were trying to select wallpaper for the living room of our new house, and after I told him that his taste stinks, my husband raised both of his palms to me and, with a smile on his face, said, “Remember God sent me!” This statement ended that fight and many more during our 29 years of marriage.
This fight-stopper at times annoys me. After all, I believe that a fight is good to have every so often to clear the air, release the stress and say what needs to be said. Fights, or more accurately disagreements, can strengthen a marriage if the two parties play fair. Bringing up that he was a heaven-sent messenger may be true, but is not fair. His proclamation too often makes me smile and ends the fight. What fun is that?
Learning what to share and what not to share with my husband has been an ongoing challenge. I have yet to learn when to keep my mouth shut. My husband knows nearly everything about my former boyfriends. Not good, especially when he uses their poor qualities, which I told him, to remind me of how great I have it with him! Enough, already! And he knows too much about my extended family. Periodically, at family gatherings, he blurts out personal information that I should have kept to myself. Groan! In secret, I tell him about our three grown children’s love lives. Again, he blurts out this information—he has been medically diagnosed with attention deficit disorder—and embarrasses the kids. Egads!
One thing I’ve learned, and I’ve learned it well, is that there can be consequences to what we say to our loved ones. What I haven’t learned is to say “Nothing!” when my husband asks me what’s new!