Cutting the Apron Strings
I finally did it! I finally cut the apron strings…not completely, but enough to make me feel like a mentally capable parent. I knew this had to be done…sometime, but I am still surprised that I picked up the scissors and began snipping!
From the very beginning with the birth of our first child, our son Andy, I loved motherhood. Changing messy diapers gave me time for eye-to-eye interaction with my son. I never dreaded late-night feedings because I could spend time with this small bundle of joy. I hated naptime because I couldn’t be with this precious little creature. I held “my prince” from morning to night and talked to him incessantly. He heard all about me and his dad and his extended family—all the family stories—before he was three months old. Ahhh! Life was great.
When first one daughter, Libby, arrived 18 months after our son and then another, Emily, came 27 months after Libby, I found that motherhood, although at times hectic, was my perfect role. I felt so blessed surrounded by my three little chicks. Caring for them was, for me, the best job I ever had.
I enjoyed each and every stage of their lives. We had fun—all of us—even during the challenging pre-teen and teen years. My husband and I were blessed with good kids and the challenges were brief and minor. I wanted my kids around forever!
College years came and as each left for campus my heart broke a little. Luckily, they were fairly close and visits were frequent. (Amazingly…they wanted to see and be with me!)
When Libby got married in 2004, she moved less than an hour away. Although no longer in the nest, she was close enough for regular visits. I was happy. My son worked in the area and lived 10 minutes away. My baby was soon to finish college and would be moving home. Life was good.
Then things changed. Due to Michigan’s poor economy, Libby and her husband moved to Murfreesboro, Tennessee. And—horror!—they took our only grandchild with them. My heart was broken…but I put on a brave front. “This is what you have to do and, although we’ll miss you, it will be a fun and exciting experience for you,” I told Libby. “I will be fine and so will you,” I added. (Of course this was a lie.) Saying goodbye to my precious daughter was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
But I was okay. I still had two children who were around. I still could be a hands-on mother!
Again, things changed. Five weeks ago my boy, my Andy, moved to Chicago for a great job opportunity. I wanted to tell him not to go, but I didn’t. I enthusiastically supported his decision. I even helped him move more than four hours away, a task that mentally diminished me. As I put away things in his minute kitchen and made up his bed for his first night in his new apartment, I told him that this move was a really great decision and that his dad and I were happy for him. Then I cried all the way home…all 200-plus miles!
I learned the hard way that day and on that ride back to Michigan that our job as parents is to launch our children and let them go. We have or should not have control over what path they take. It’s their decision, not ours.
I’ve seen my son three times since he left for Chicago. I’ve made one visit there; he’s made two visits home. This has brought me tremendous joy, but I knew that I needed to step up as a mom. “I love seeing you but you should stay in Chicago on weekends and begin to make your life there,” I told him. (Am I nuts?) I could see he was relieved. These were the words he wanted to hear…it was the permission he needed from me. I truly am a good mom!
Comments
A mom after my own heart! One of my sons now lives in Alaska and is thinking of moving to Germany. He works for the Army Corps of Engineers. Sigh!
Posted by: Carol | September 27, 2007 06:37 PM