Although not quite empty nesters—our youngest, age 24, is living at home—we now have time for each other. The problem is that we really don’t know who each other is. We love each other—that’s never been an issue—but we have so little to talk about after years of “the children this” and “the children that.” We forgot to talk to each other about each other. We forgot to take the time to stay closely connected.

I remember way back when somebody gave me the advice that my husband should always come first. “Of course, he will,” I remember saying. Then came the children and everything became the children. I lost this good advice among diapers and then the children’s sports and activities and a myriad of other youthful needs.

There have been many dates with my husband over the years but the topics always went immediately to the kids and their concerns. Rarely did we or do we have a heartfelt talk like the ones that marked our courtship. In fact, speaking of courtship, we no longer seem to know how to court each other. We just take each other for granted…and this is not good!

My husband and I agree that we have lost the “it” in our relationship and we need it back. We are working very hard at reconnecting in a way that will make our time together now—without children—more pleasant and rewarding. If we hadn’t disconnected when we had children, we wouldn’t have all this work to do now.

Always put your husband first when you become a mother or if you are a mother. That guy you live with is not just the father of your children. He’s the guy you fell in love with and married. He is probably just as exciting as he was when you met him and, maybe, even more so. Stay connected and you’ll find that your years “after children” can be pretty good.