Opinions Anyone?
My friends want “honest” opinions on just about everything, including clothes, hair, weight, job and their significant other. To accommodate their requests, I have given them my honest opinions. If my opinion is less than favorable, I even try to soften it so I don’t hurt their feelings. I’m learning the hard way, however, that my opinion is expected to be the same as theirs'. They only want “honesty” if my opinion agrees with their thinking.
When am I going to learn? When am I going to stay away from the “honest opinion trap?” At the rate I’m going I will lose all my friends. (Fortunately, I have a lot of friends but…)
One friend has a new job. I know that the company has a questionable reputation and is always in search of large numbers of new recruits. I learned this from my own year-long job search when I asked others—those in the know—about the company. “Bad” and “illegal activities” were the comments I heard.
My friend never told me about joining the company until after she accepted the job. I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell her? What if I’m wrong? She didn’t ask my opinion, should I say something anyway? I was in a quandary. Do I tell her what I know or should I let her find out?
I went to my boss, who is a respectable and knowledgeable businessman, for some direction. He, too, knew about the questionable company and advised me to tell my friend. He said the company operates with a “cult” mentality. “If you are a good friend, you must tell her,” he said. So I did.
My friend was cool when I presented the information about the company to her. And she continues to be cool to me. Although I explained that I told her this because I truly cared about her, she seems to think that my motive was less than pure. It wasn’t, but no matter how much I have told her this, she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t want my opinion, which is a rarity in our relationship.
I’m beginning to learn that keeping my opinions to myself is probably the best way to go. I am also learning that this friendship thing can be a little tricky. It used to be that hairdos, clothes and jewelry were the main subjects for opinions. Now they are areas that affect a person’s life and many of my friends think they are qualified to handle these all on their own.
I can play this new game, but I don’t like it. It’s hard for me to see my friends go down the wrong path, especially when I know the path is, in fact, the wrong one. Oh well! I’ll make sure I’m there for them when they realize their mistakes and I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut. I won’t have to tell them “I told you so!”