For Better or Worse!
It’s summer wedding season. Thousands of brides and grooms are going to the altar to make vows of “love” and “forever.” Most are totally happy with their marriage choice. Others, however, are expecting some changes from the other for the better. They will soon learn the hard way that their spouse will probably not change. This is the reason that “for better or worse” is part of the marriage vows. I have learned that my husband is basically the same man that I exchanged wedding vows with 30 years ago. Luckily, he is mostly good…but!
I remember thinking that once we got married, my husband would be more sensitive. Wrong!!! To this day he often forgets the little things that make me happy, such as Diet Coke, folding the towels and calling when he’s going to be late coming home. He drinks the last Diet Coke and never replaces it; he has, as yet, folded towels or anything else but his own laundry, and more-than-not he forgets to call when he’s running late.
On my wedding day I had visions of my husband helping me clean the house THE WAY I LIKE IT TO BE CLEANED! The first month of marriage—maybe it was only the first week—he tried to help clean according to my instructions, but soon he returned to his “once over lightly” style and then resumed a prone position on the couch to watch a sporting event. He didn’t care that I had hours to go to make his castle shine. (To be fair, he never minds helping when I ask him. It’s just that his definition of “cleaning” is so different than mine.)
My boyfriend-turned fiancé-turned husband was always a poor dresser. This, however, would change once we were married. He, I believed, was so much in love with me—he really was and is!—that he would take care and dress in a way that would please me. Forget this! No matter what clothing I buy for him, he has retained his own style, or lack of style, for all 30 years. Matching, sharp outfits have been mixed and combined so much so that he’s not even a contender for the best-dressed list.
The man I married would, I believed, transform into a happy chef and willingly prepare wondrous meals. Ha! His ability to read recipes is nonexistent and he considers the kitchen as solely a walk-through. Give him a jar of peanut butter and some soft, unhealthy white bread and he’ll throw together a sandwich. But once a request is made for the addition of jelly, this menu item becomes too complicated.
“A great father!” That’s what the man on the altar would be…this I was sure. Well, let’s just say, although the kids love him and he is crazy about them, he showed his “greatness” mostly during play time. He always volunteered to coach their various sports (of course, sports of any kind are what he lives for) and he did drive them to all their activities, but he was “out of sight” when help was needed for homework…or when sibling fights needed a referee…or when lunches needed to be packed.
My husband wasn’t perfect on our wedding day, and he didn’t gain perfection with marriage. He is, basically, just who he was, which ain’t all bad! I, however, have changed since that walk down the aisle. I learned that I couldn’t change my husband into the man of my dreams. He was and is real and that means he has a lot of “better” and some “worse.” Oh well! Maybe in my next life…….