A Sign?
That’s a sign! How often I have told myself this when I see, hear or learn something that seems to relate to my current dilemma. I’ve made a lot of bad—and some good—choices in my lifetime because there was a “sign” that pointed me in a certain direction. I have, however, learned the hard way that this method of making life decisions is almost akin to voodoo. My mind and heart—and not SIGNS—should be the only factors in making decisions.
When I was in my 20s and dating a guy named Bill, I thought I was in love. He was great looking, intelligent and treated me very well. There were, however, lots of negatives. He was secretive and unable to share his true thoughts and feelings with me. And, if the truth be told, he was quite boring. But alas! He was really great looking, had a good paying job, drove a red Mustang convertible, dressed well and took me to really nice places. Who wouldn’t want a man like this? I thought I did…especially one night after a really good date with him. I was getting ready for bed and my radio was playing in the background. Just as I was turning the light off a song I had never heard before came over the radio. A woman singer was belting out “Bill, I love him so and I always will…” A “sign,” for sure? I was meant to be in love with Bill! Forget my misgivings, Bill was the one!
For the next few months I tried to dismiss all that was wrong with Bill and focus on what was right. He sure was packaged well. Luckily what was inside his good packaging took center stage and “sign or no sign” I removed him from my life. I would give up signs, I vowed, and stick with my gut. But I didn’t. I had gotten used to looking for signs. It was an important part of my psyche.
More men and more “signs” passed through my life…until I met the man that I would marry. There were no “signs” in this relationship…just a caring, wonderful man.
I have used “signs” for other choices besides romance. Twice it was a “sign” that made my decision on buying/leasing a car.
The first time, again in my 20s, was when I was happily driving a red VW bug convertible. I loved this car. It had been my dream come true. My roommate, however, had another idea on what I should be driving. Her father was a car salesman, selling Fords. He needed sales and my roommate started working on me to buy a new car from her father. She brought home brochures for the new Maverick. A sporty looking car, it offered a wealth of colors and “oh my God” stripped upholstery on the seats, including an orange strip. Orange was my favorite color at the time. This was a sign! A new car it was. The very day I turned in my bug for my new car, I cried. I knew I had made a mistake. Forty years later I still miss my VW bug convertible!
A few years ago, after years of driving a minivan, my children convinced me that I needed to move up to a SUV, a Dodge Durango. From the moment they suggested this SUV that’s all I saw on the road. Everywhere I looked a Durango was driving by. What a clear sign that was! A Durango it was! Big mistake! Not only was this car (truck) uncomfortable, but it was a gas hog. And, of course, gas prices began to rise the very day I picked up my new vehicle. For the two years I had the SUV, I could hardly wait for the lease to be over. As soon as it was, I happily returned to my better-mileage, more comfortable minivan.
Now it’s no more “signs” for me…well, maybe there are still some signs in my life, but they are only one factor in making decisions. I also use my brain, as well as advice from knowledgeable people.
My best friend Marilyn—we’ve been friends for 40 years—made “signs” very clear to me. One day when we were driving somewhere in her car, she stopped and lingered at a “Stop” sign. She pointed to the sign and said “Now there’s a true sign!” She then reminded me to stop looking for “signs” that weren’t there. I didn’t need a sign to tell me what a really good friend I have!