Like all in America, I learned the hard way that we have taken “the good life” for granted. Americans, me included, have been blessed in this land of opportunity…much more so than those who live in other parts of the world. For the most part, we have roofs over our heads, food in our tummy and a wealth of televisions and other toys to fill our hours with entertainment. We have cell phones to keep connected; we have cars to move us from point to point. Our closets are filled with clothes, many with designer labels. We have choices even down to what shoes we will put on our feet. We have so much more than one outfit to wear day after day after day and squeeze our feet into our one and only pair of shoes that we’ve had for years. Blessed we are. Even if we find ourselves on welfare, we fare well in comparison to most of the world’s inhabitants.

Even with all our blessings are we thankful? Not hardly! We complain about the economy. We fault our leaders (the same leaders that we have had the freedom to elect). We hate our jobs. And we are jealous of others who have more than we have.

Continue reading "Fueling Up for the Good Life!" »

Posted by Sandra Dalka-Prysby at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was young and dumb and broke—I’m talking about my 20s and, maybe, even beyond—I would take shortcuts to reach my goals. (Come to think of it…I still take some stupid shortcuts!) I learned the hard way, however, that there are times when travelling the long road is the best way to go.

The arrival of summer—finally—has resulted in the grounds around my home being awash in tiger lilies, a favorite flower since childhood. The orange smatterings have not only brightened my gardens, but my outlook. (How can you feel bad with such glorious splendor?) The opening of these flowers’ petals has reminded of a time so long ago.

With the somewhat-limited budget of a just-out-of-college and newly-employed professional, I liked to entertain…a lot. And I liked to do it in splendor. My means certainly didn’t justify the end that I liked to accomplish: wonderful food and beverages and beautiful table arrangements with magnificent floral centerpieces. But I managed. (My credit card statements at that time indicated just how I accomplished my festive and popular dinner parties.)

Continue reading "The Tiger Lily Lesson" »

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I hate when people cut in front of me when I’m waiting in a line! Don’t they know to wait for their turn? I guess not. After years and years of putting up with “line jumpers,” I finally smartened up! Instead of getting angry and not saying something to the offenders, I finally learned what to do!

Yesterday when I was waiting in line to check out with the cashier at a drug store, a “lady” came and stood next to me. When it was my turn to move up to the cashier, she rushed in front of me leaving me in her dust. Amazement and anger turned to inspiration.

“Thank you for taking my turn and giving me some extra time in line,” I said to her in a gentle voice and with a smile on my face. She turned to look at me and said in a nasty voice, “It was my turn!”

Her words didn’t dissuade me. “Now I have time to pray for you,” I said. She mumbled something under her breath while I said a prayer for her…then one for myself. I also had time to thank God for the wisdom that he had bestowed on me in this incident. Peace filled me…and then I checked out. I had won!

Posted by Sandra Dalka-Prysby at 11:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

“I promise.” These are such important words to me. I, however, have learned the hard way that these words sometimes mean nothing to others.

My husband promises to do this or that. He doesn’t. When I remind him that he promised, he’ll promise again and even give me a target date for fulfilling his promise. And, guess what! He again misses living up to his promise. This has been going on for more than 30 years and I should be used to it, but I’m not. To me a promise is a promise.

Friends and family members make promises that they never keep. To them, their promises are just words that they think I want to hear so they say them. I’ll give them the benefit of a doubt. I believe that they plan to keep their promises when they make them, but, most times, if keeping the promise is inconvenient or just lip service, the promise goes unfulfilled.

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“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!” I know this, just as, I am sure, you do. This is good advice, but sadly, it is wisdom that I don’t always follow. Too often when I am sure that something good is going to happen to me, I learn the hard way that I have set myself up for disappointment. I didn’t wait for the newborn little chicks!

When my kids were young and “just knew” that this or that was going to come true, I pulled out the “count your chicken” adage. But, like me, they choose to ignore the good advice behind the words. Many times, they, too, were sadly disappointed.

Now that I am all grown up and know how the world works I try to refrain from expecting anything until it does, in fact, become a reality. A recent example: I went to dinner with friends to a restaurant that had high reviews. I ordered the specialty dish, which the menu had given a five-star rating. It was expensive, but, I was sure, it was well worth the hefty price. My mind and taste buds worked overtime waiting for my food to arrive. I was about to have the best meal that I have had in a very long time. Finally it arrived. The presentation was everything that I had hoped. I savored the smell as I picked up my fork for a truly great culinary experience. The first bite told me that although it was good, it wasn’t that good. I’m not known for my cooking skills, but I know I could have done equally well preparing this dish. I was so disappointed and my wallet was depleted!

Continue reading "Bad Move!" »

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That’s a sign! How often I have told myself this when I see, hear or learn something that seems to relate to my current dilemma. I’ve made a lot of bad—and some good—choices in my lifetime because there was a “sign” that pointed me in a certain direction. I have, however, learned the hard way that this method of making life decisions is almost akin to voodoo. My mind and heart—and not SIGNS—should be the only factors in making decisions.

When I was in my 20s and dating a guy named Bill, I thought I was in love. He was great looking, intelligent and treated me very well. There were, however, lots of negatives. He was secretive and unable to share his true thoughts and feelings with me. And, if the truth be told, he was quite boring. But alas! He was really great looking, had a good paying job, drove a red Mustang convertible, dressed well and took me to really nice places. Who wouldn’t want a man like this? I thought I did…especially one night after a really good date with him. I was getting ready for bed and my radio was playing in the background. Just as I was turning the light off a song I had never heard before came over the radio. A woman singer was belting out “Bill, I love him so and I always will…” A “sign,” for sure? I was meant to be in love with Bill! Forget my misgivings, Bill was the one!

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I hate it when someone asks me to keep a secret. I can do this, but I’ve learned the hard way that this is one of the most difficult things for me to accomplish. I’m the one who goes crazy when I know a secret.

I’m the type of person who will share anything and everything with others. I am what is known as “an open book.” Ask me about my husband and I’ll tell you what you want to know. Ask about my children and you’ll get the whole story. (Luckily, my husband and children are such exceptionally good individuals and most people don’t want to hear all the good stuff!) Ask about me and well…how much time do you have?

Carrying around a secret someone has shared with me is a great responsibility. If it’s a good secret, I really want to share it. If it’s a secret about something that leads to others making a wrong judgment about someone, I’m tempted to set the record straight. In either case, I’m cooked because I promised to keep my mouth shut.

Continue reading "Not Another Secret!" »

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With joy in my heart! I know that this is how I should feel when I offer to do things for others. I’ve learned the hard way, however, that I’m not very good at the joy part. Many times I resent doing things and wish I had never made the offer in the first place.

A young (in her early 40s) friend’s diabetes has forced her to have both a kidney and pancreas transplants. Following these major surgeries, her vision began failing. Now she is blind.

I met this person and we became friends more than 10 years ago when she was a vibrant and successful businesswoman. Attractive, single and with a great sense of humor, it was easy to like her. Besides, I thought, it’s good having younger friends—I’m 20 years her senior. Now I’ll have someone to take me to my doctor appointments when I get old! (This was just a passing thought and definitely not the reason for my friendship with her. She was and is a wonderful person!)

Continue reading "Where's the Rose Garden?" »

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Aren’t conveniences great? Well, maybe! I’ve learned the hard way that the more “conveniences” we have, the more aggravation we have. Yesterday was a day of a lot of aggravation!

My daughter’s cell phone died as did her car. Luckily the “old”—last year’s model— cell phone was found and with a little charm on my daughter’s part—thank heavens she’s young and pretty and lots of young testosterone-laden young men work in wireless telephone stores—she was able to get her old cell piece turned on at no cost to her. Luckily she’s young and pretty and charming, and thank heavens she works with lots of macho-laden engineers. Her car was fixed within minutes.

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I usually hate my birthday. It has nothing to do with my advancing age. I’ve accepted that each year I get older. What I hate is the presents that my husband gets for me. I’ve learned the hard way—with lots of useless stuff—that my husband doesn’t have a clue about gift-giving. He just picks up something at the last minute that may or may not—and usually doesn’t—appeal to me. A present for me is to him an obligation and not a joy.

This past birthday, however, was the best ever. When he asked me what he could buy for me, I said I didn’t want anything. “I have everything I need…in fact, I have too much stuff,” I told him. He was relieved. I saved him a trip to the closest store—it’s a hardware store—to pick up something for me.

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I have always been a Pollyanna. I wear rose-colored glasses and I always look at my cup as being half-full. I wake up everyday with a smile on my face even if the weather is less-than-perfect. I think that everyone and everything is good. At least I did. Then an accident led me to revise my thinking somewhat. I learned the hard way that while there is much good in this world, there are some areas that need improvement.

I was on my three-mile fitness walk one day—a beautiful, sunny day with the nip of fall in the air—when I tripped over a raised section of concrete sidewalk. I fell to the ground. An excruciating pain went through me and tears ran down my cheeks as my right knee slammed into the concrete. Immediately blood soaked my slacks and my knee swelled to four times its normal size. I knew I was in trouble as I lay on the ground holding my injured knee.

Continue reading "Less of a Pollyanna" »

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I’m a power freak! I like being in control at all times. My husband knows this and most times he hands the reins over to me. (Unlike me, my husband can “go with the flow.”)

My “power/control thing” even goes with me into the car. I need to do the driving. My husband doesn’t mind. He drives long distances daily for his job. So whenever possible I do the driving. Short or long distances, I do the driving.

My car is equipped with cruise control, but I rarely use it. Pressing the switched for this option, I believe, takes away my control. The few times, usually on an open stretch of highway, when I’ve tried using cruise control, my anxiety level increased to an uncomfortable level. The cruise control is driving the car and NOT ME! This thought forces me to slightly hit the break and release the cruise control. Okay! That worked. I can go back to using cruise control. I try again, but again the anxiety begins to creep in. Forget it!

Continue reading "Being on Cruise Control!" »

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I’m too nice. Really, I am. I try to make everybody happy…often to the detriment of my own happiness.

Over the years close friends and family members have told me: “If you try to please everyone, you’ll never be able to please yourself.” True advice, but, coincidentally, these same advice givers seemed to be referring to “everybody else” and not them. They know my “pleasing flaw” and they use it to their advantage…this I am learning the hard way over and over again!

A recent “pleasing” experience turned out to be not so pleasant. My husband and I received three invitations for wonderful gatherings all on the same date. I RSVPed to the first invitation and when the second and third invites arrived I was disappointed that we couldn’t attend these events, but…oh well! (Why does it happen that you can go for weeks with no plans and then there are multiple invitations on the same day?)

I called the hostesses of the two other events and extended our apology that we couldn’t come because we already had a commitment. These hostesses—both good friends—expressed their disappointment along with urgings for us to “at least stop by.” Then both began campaigns to get us to come if only briefly. (I didn’t know we were that crucial as necessary party ingredients!)

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Posted by Sandra Dalka-Prysby at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It’s been documented that birth order plays a vital role in a person’s potential success in life. I’ve learned the hard way, however, that “being the baby” hasn’t put me in the honored place that studies say I’m “entitled” to. I’m not spoiled; I’m not the princess of the family. I’ve had to work just as hard as my older brother and sister. In addition, sometimes—often—I’m just as much a leader as my first-born brother, and other times I’m lost in the shuffle just like my middle-child sister.

About the only thing that indicates that I’m the baby of the family is that my mom often calls me “baby.” But then again, I’ve heard my mom call my brother “baby,” my sister “baby,” and even my dad “baby.” (She just likes using this endearing term for all her “babies!) At times, however, I wish she would take the birth order studies to heart. I’d like to “get away with murder” once in a while, which is a privilege of being the youngest in the family!

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Posted by Emily Prysby at 12:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I got into a bad habit when I was in elementary school that has lasted through middle and high school and college. It continues to this day. I like to go to the bathroom in the privacy of my own home. I “hold it” until I get home; rush through the front door; run to the bathroom; slam the door, and do what I have to do. Public restrooms aren’t for me. They just aren’t my favorite place to use. I like doing my business at home.

Since I started working a year ago I have been fairly successful waiting to use the bathroom until I get home from work. My system has adjusted to this routine. Last week, however, I learned the hard way that I had better rethink this bathroom practice.

Continue reading "Going with the Flow!" »

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I hate change, any kind of change. I’m so affected by anything different in my life that I’ve kept our furniture in the same arrangement where it was placed when we moved into our house 30 years ago. I looked at the space before we moved in; figured out what should go where (where it would look the best), and that is how the furniture has remained. Over the years we’ve purchased new pieces, but they go in exactly the same spot as its predecessor. Some (my daughters included) may say this is boring, but I don’t care. My home always receives rave reviews from visitors and I remain comfortable in my surroundings. (The furniture is, after all, placed in the most suitable space for it in each room.)

This consistency in furniture placement isn’t the only thing that marks my aversion to change. I get depressed over things that would bring joy to others. It took me awhile to adjust to no longer being able to shop at my favorite plus-size women’s clothing store when I lost 170 pounds. (Now that’s a sad statement!) For months I would pass the store and firmly have to restrain myself from turning into the parking lot. I so wanted to see what new stock the store held even though it was no longer suitable for my smaller size.

Continue reading "Maybe Change Is Good!" »

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I learned that this world is a whole lot different than my parent’s world. I’m not just talking about technology. Most advances—well, maybe not the ever-present cell phone stuck to everyone’s ear—have made life a whole lot easier. I’m talking about the “entitled” attitude that has affected so many people. This “I-can-do-anything-I-want” attitude is so pervasive that it is destroying basic civility. “Thank you” is fast becoming a lost phrase.

I often hold open doors for people young and old. Hardly ever is there an acknowledgement of my kind action. The feeling I get from these insensitive people is that they “expect” doors to be opened for them. These are the very same masses who rush through doors ahead of me with nary a care for my or anyone else’s well-being. These members of civilization—Opps! “Civilization” is the wrong category for this group!—worry only about themselves and could care less about their fellow man or woman. (That is, unless some fellow man or woman can give them what they want and what they feel they are entitled to.)

Doorways aren’t the only locations where entitled people show their true colors. The highways and byways are filled with self-ordained privileged people. They cut you off because they want your lane; they ride on your tail so you’ll speed up (even though you’re going five miles over the speed limit); they toot their horns to move you out of the way, and they swerve in and out of traffic so they can arrive at their destinations a few minutes earlier. Although their driving actions cause near accidents, they just don’t care. They want what they want when they want it.

Continue reading "Entitled to Thank You" »

Posted by Sandra Dalka-Prysby at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Like many of you, I feel great when spring arrives; the sun shines and the flowers begin to bloom. It’s an “up-time-of-year.” (This is true…if I don’t look at all the work I need to do outside!) As great as spring is, there are still three other seasons in the year which challenge my well-being. (I live in Michigan which is known for its rainy falls, often-humid summers and cold, dreary winters!)
Years ago I learned that I could give into the weather—hence, get depressed when the sun refuses to make an appearance for days—or do something to add a little sunshine to my life. That is when I instituted my four-a-day mission. My goal is to make four strangers smile each and every day. If I’m not out-and-about—which is rare—and I don’t have an opportunity to make strangers smile, I turn to email and/or the telephone and transmit positive messages to four friends or family members.
My mission/goal has made my life a whole lot happier and has kept me connected with my fellow human beings in such a positive way. I can usually find something good about everyone I meet. This is such a wonderful way to combat not only bad weather but bad headlines and stories of human tragedy, which, unfortunately, are normal occurrences. Strangers, such as people you meet while waiting in a line, or in doctor’s waiting rooms, at airports, coming out of church, or service personnel (store clerks, building janitors, doormen, gas station attendants), etc., etc., etc. are my targets.

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Posted by Sandra Dalka-Prysby at 02:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)